Felicia Garcia, Reverse Slut-Shaming, et al...

So I'm working on a separate piece about the effect of porn on teenagers, and upon stumbling across the Felicia Garcia story on a feminist website via somebody's Facebook link,  I developed some valuable insights:

1- A male/female/male (MFM) threesome is NOT a threesome. It's a gangbang.. Sorry, feminists. I promise you that if you read this through until the end, we'll find some common ground.

2- Promiscuity and bullying are two separate and unrelated phenomena. The reason for the bullying is irrelevant, unless the bullying is motivated by race or homosexuality, in which case the justice system has designated such as a hate crime. However, last I checked, promiscuous people were not a protected species under hate crime law.

3- The term "Slut Shaming" is utterly hilarious to me.
But we'll get to that momentarily.

Now, any of my close friends know my position that the double standard of promiscuity between the sexes exists for a valid and compelling reason. Namely- We are some jerkoff you met in a bar one night, whereas you are the spiritual glue that holds the family together. I think the reason society holds women to a higher standard re: sexual behavior is because you guys have a more important social role. Yes, i said it- WOMEN ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN MEN. 

 (Insert "Key that opens any lock vs. lock that can be opened by any key" analogy here.)

Anyhow, here's the thing: me personally, if I was to find out that a romantic relationship/lady friend of mine had been previously involved in a gangbang, I am walking away from said relationship at once. I'm turning left, immediatamente. I don't care if I was halfway down the aisle. I ain't goin.

But the thing about that is, I readily admit that it's kind of a dick move to inquire about the hows and whys and how manys of a romantic interest's previous partners. We, as guys, (if we've learned this life lesson yet, anyhow- I have, and my closest friends will assure you it came at great personal struggle) we do our best to NOT think about that kind of shit because it's unpleasant. We try to live in the here and now, assume we're the only one hitting that now, and not ask shit that we don't really want the answer to.

So, there is kind of an assumed covenant between us and y'all that we won't ask you offensive questions about your past, and you, in return, WON'T HAVE ANY GANGBANGS OR RANDOM PARKING LOT BLOWJOBS ON YOUR RESUME. I can't speak for every guy, but if you want to date me, ASSUME THAT COVENANT IS IN EFFECT.

So then, back to Felecia Garcia. A 15 year old who threw herself in front of a subway train. Because her classmates were making fun of her. Because she LET FOUR GUYS FROM THE FOOTBALL TEAM RUN A TRAIN ON HER  THE PREVIOUS WEEKEND. And her peers were teasing her unmercifully about it. And since nobody else will, the Inu Enthusiast came out of retirement to point out a glaring fucking problem in our society. And it's not what you think. We'll get right to that in a second.

That term... Slut Shaming... show me a feminist using that term, and I will show you a woman who probably has a promiscuous past and is trying to justify it. DAFUQ OUTTA HERE WITH THAT. "Slut-Shaming" as a negative verb? As if it were the new "Gay-Bashing?" 

I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO.

Now, I have a generous, lenient definition of slut, myself. It goes as follows: If you had, at  the time, legitimate romantic feelings for everybody you ever had the secks with, then I don't consider you a slut.

 (I myself fail this litmus test miserably, in case you were wondering.)

But for a woman, be she 15 years old or 35 years old, to let FOUR DUDES run a train on her... is disgusting and reprehensible. Once said encounter has concluded, you are officially NOT MARRIAGE MATERIAL. And I feel sorry for the dude who does marry you.

"But that's just YOUR misogynistic perspective," you say. "Who the fuck are you to judge who is and isn't marriage material?" you say...

okay then... SHOW ME THE LINE OF DUDES AROUND THE BLOCK WHO WANT TO MARRY A LADY WHO'S BEEN GANGBANGED. Better yet, PUT THAT SHIT ON YOUR OK CUPID PROFILE. I dare you. SLUT-SHAMING? Are you fucking kidding me? YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THAT BEHAVIOR, YOU SLUT, YOU!

But see, here's the twist- Here's the problem with our society that is going woefully unadressed:

WHY THE FUCK are we not angry at the four dudes involved?
Not for teasing her about it afterwords, mind you... We'll let the anti-bullying people worry about that.

But for DOING THAT DEGRADING ASS SHIT TO SOMEBODY'S POTENTIAL FUTURE WIFE IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Now, I've done lots of womanizing, I've got some drop-dead gorgeous women on my list of conquests. But I'm proud to say that I never participated in an MFM Threesome. In my opinion, guys who do that shit have bisexual tendencies. Sorry, but my penis is in a union. He doesn't work in the presence of other penii. It's in his collective bargaining agreement.

Thrusting simultaneously in some chick with only a thin layer of the back of her vagina separating our broadswords????? Ummm.... yeahhhhhh.... As Riley Freeman would say... "Nigguh you gay."

So while I applaud and encourage "Slut-Shaming," as it were... I think it's time we as a society started ALSO shaming the men (or in the case of Felicia Garcia, young boys) who are DOING THIS DEGRADING ASS SHIT TO YOUNG GIRLS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Quit fucking taking advantage of the fact that young women make decisions with their amygdala. It's not a good look, homie.

And I know you learned that behavior from porn, too, you bisexual little douchebags, you. Kinda makes me glad that I had to wait 40 minutes to see one titty on 56k dial-up when I was your age.